if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
