Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
