she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
