I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Randomize
