we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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