Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
