We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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