I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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