I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
