Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
