he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
