It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
