Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
My Sexting was not on an AP level
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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