Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
