i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
