If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
