Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
