i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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