I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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