going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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