I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Randomize