You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
