Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
