Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
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