Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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