she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
