All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
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