Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Randomize
