I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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