I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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