Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
