You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
