She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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