I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
and she was petting her beer can
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
