just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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