ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
