i just wanna soil my oats bro
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
