as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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