His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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