Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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