Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
