I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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