party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
