My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
