he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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