ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
