walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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