If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
