I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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