Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
