So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
