I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Ladies don't puke and tell
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
