I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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