i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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