You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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