No stitches, just platelets and will power
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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