real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
