i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize