Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize