I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize