The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He felt like a one man threesome
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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