It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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