awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
