lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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