Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
