Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Randomize