You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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