I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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