Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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