please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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