One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
