i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
