I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
its not stalking. its research.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
