You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
