just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
soo... how was my night?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
