I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
i out mim tonsoeep
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