What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize
