after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
