Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
