i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
i think i just lost a toe
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