Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
she pinky promised me she was 18
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
