I just saw a hot homeless man
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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