best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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