is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
