My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Sacagawea was the original milf.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Terrible idea I love it
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
